Insecurity is a lack of self confidence. It is the feeling that you are not good enough. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone has something that makes them feel insecure. Where does your insecurities come from? How do you respond to that feeling? The answer to those questions really says a lot about a person.
When you have learned to accept who you are and really have self love, you are confident. Healthy insecurity is feeling uncomfortable in new situations. Unhealthy insecurity is feeling aggressive or defensive in response to something.
Let me explain. If I go into a new fitness class, I may feel insecure about how I look while participating. I will be awkward while everyone else is moving in synchrony with each other. The healthy response is to accept that I may stand out a little and keep participating. An unhealthy response would be for me to point out my perceived faults of others in the class, in an attempt to make myself feel or look superior.
Signs of Insecurity
You perceive everything as judgmental and lack self accountability. You believe the simplest words or actions are a confrontation directed at you. You blame everything on others. Instead of being able to recognize that your own choices and actions influence the events in your life, you think that other people are against you.
You feel the need to control every situation. You try to dominate the lives of other people, and become pushy for attention or recognition. You are self-centered and can’t handle when things do not go your way.
You exhibit unwarranted jealousy. You become easily suspicious. You have a constant need to establish yourself as a person of importance.
You create drama with others. You cause arguments and revert to insulting people in an attempt to make yourself appear superior. You are boastful and smug in an attempt to hide your self doubt.
You blow everything out of proportion to convince yourself that you are better than others. You exaggerate your own self importance and belittle the qualities of others. People who interact with you expect an overreaction to anything.
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Insecure people exhibit these traits in an effort to reassure themselves that they are important and valuable. Your need for verbal reassurance and attention from the people in your life intensifies when you perceive a threat from someone or something. You always need someone to “back you up”, to support your side of things.
If you are struggling with unhealthy insecurity, you may have any combination of these traits. When you behave this way, people do not enjoy your company. If you recognize some of the traits in your own personality, you can make an effort to change your behavior.
If you are someone who has to interact with an insecure person, there are ways to manage the situation. How to manage the relationship really depends on how close you are to that person.
Getting counseling is a great place to start. There are also other options available. Doing a little research or grabbing a self-help book can point you into the right direction. Realizing how you are acting is the first step to changing it and improving your self perception.